Peter Kay’s Best Jokes!

Non-Racing Events

18 June 2018

With Peter Kay set to be away from the stage for the foreseeable future, Lee Lard steps in with his brilliant tribute act dedicated to the Bolton comedian.

The best part is, you can see Lee Lard performing live at Hereford Racecourse on Wednesday 4th July and you can purchase your tickets now.

To get you in the mood for a good laugh, we have gone through some of our favourite Peter Kay jokes and one liners. Enjoy!


  1. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal'. The other goes to a family in Spain, and they name him 'Juan'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himslef to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, 'But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.'
  2. My dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
  3. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
  4. You never know where to look when eating a banana.
  5. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought, 'He's trying to pull a fast one'.
  6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
  7. Mate of mine has just been sacked off the dodgems. But he's doing them for funfair dismissal...
  8. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  9. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  10. I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Appealing to all ages, Lee features on the 'Is This The Way to Amarillo' DVD for Comic Relief when he was invited to appeard alongside Peter Kay and Tony Christie. Lee Lard - Peter Kay Tribute is an evening of guaranteed laughter, topped off with a delicious home cooked curry by our award winning Executive Chef.

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